Archive for October, 2007

C.S. Lewis in his book The Four Loves writes about just what the title would imply. He devotes a chapter, or more of a section of the book to each of the four; Affection, Friendship, Eros and, Charity.

Now, I’ve read a lot about love, perhaps too much on the subject – out of fear, perhaps, that I have not fully grasped the feeling. Nevertheless, I’ve read a lot about it from various authors and none of them really pays nearly as much attention as Lewis does to Friendship Love. Lewis even notes this at the very beginning of the section, “…very few modern people think Friendship a love of comparable value or even a love at all.” He goes into more detail on this saying that because it is not a necessity for the community to survive it is often shrugged off as non-important.

This is true… it is not necessary for the community to physically or biologically carry on. Though I would have to say that Lewis has a done a very good thing by spending so much time on it. In fact, its the largest section out of the four. Lewis describes friendship as something shared between two or more individuals of a group (group in this sense being the larger community of individuals)… something that sets them apart, two who see or even seek the same truth as one another. For me its been much of the time people who share the same interests as me – technology, cars, movies… that kind of thing. With things such as that as the basis my friendships have now grown much deeper with a select few.

Much of my life I shared friendships based on these things and the relationships there never went beyond that. I’ve found that my relationships that never did such have dwindled. I’ve found that I cannot soley base a friendship on these things. I have to be growing with them, as I think most do desire this kind of growth. Now, I would say that my best of friends are a much smaller number than they used to be. My definition for friend has changed vastly over the past few years… I found out a little more than a year back that I had very few true friends, this was a scary realization.

Now I look at this realization as a little more freeing. Yes, I have less people in my life I would consider a friend and, for someone who craves human interaction as much as I do this might be a problem. However, I am able to go deeper with these friends than I have in the past. As I may have said earlier, I think going deeper is essential. It’s when I go deeper with friends and they with me we are able to really get to know one another. The more we challenge one another and strengthen one another the better the friendship grows. To quote Lewis again, “You will not find the the warrior, the poet, the philosopher or the Christian by staring in his eyes as if her were your mistress: better fight beside him, read with him, argue with him, pray with him.” I might add… I don’t really struggle with desiring to stare in my friends eyes… but, the point that I believe the point he is making here is that you won’t learn anything about your friends simply by sitting with them. You have to live with them.

Living life with your friends is vital. Stray away from the surface level crap that you talk about when you don’t know someone and you’re trying to pass akward silence. Don’t just sit and talk about environmental conditions… common observations like the weather. What good does it do for you and your friends to agree that it is hot or cold outside. I feel that we might as well sit in silence than talk about the weather. (However, I am guilty of this many times over.)

I’ll end by saying: I thank God for my close friends, small in number… maybe. However, I enjoy the time I spend with them more than I do most other things. And you people know who you are.